*** yp chap.
9 pp. 73-80 How Can I Cope With
Peer Pressure? ***
(Published by the Watchtower Society)
How Can
I Cope With Peer Pressure?
AT THE age of 14, Karen was already a heavy drug user
and regularly engaged in sex. By age 17, Jim was a confirmed alcoholic and
living an immoral life. Both admit they did not really like the life they were living nor the things they were doing. Why, then, did
they act as they did? Peer pressure!
“Everyone I was with was into these things, and that had a big
effect on me,” explains Karen. Jim agreed, saying, “I didn’t want to lose my
friends by being different.”
Why Youths Follow Their
Peers
As some youths get older, the influence of parents
wanes, and a desire to be popular and to be accepted by peers grows strong.
Others simply feel a need to talk with someone who “understands” or who will
make them feel loved or needed. When such communication is lacking at home—as
is often the case—they seek it among their peers. Often, too, a lack of
self-confidence and feelings of insecurity cause some to be vulnerable to peer influence.
Peer influence is not necessarily bad. A proverb says: “By iron,
iron itself is sharpened. So one man sharpens the face of
another.” (Proverbs 27:17) Just as an iron knife can sharpen the dulled
edge of another knife, fellowship with other youths can ‘sharpen’ your
personality and make you a better person—if those peers have mature, healthy
attitudes.
All too often, though, youths are sadly lacking in maturity—both
mental and spiritual. Many youths have viewpoints and opinions that are
unsound, unreliable, even reckless. So when a youth
unquestioningly comes under the control of peers, it may be little more than
the blind leading the blind. (Compare Matthew 15:14.) The results can be
disastrous.
Even when peers are not edging you toward outrageous behavior,
their influence can still feel oppressive. “You care so much about being
accepted by other kids,” said Debbie. “When I was eighteen I dreaded the
thought of being unpopular because I would have no one to invite me out for a
good time. I feared I would be isolated.” Debbie thus worked hard to gain the
acceptance of her peers.
Am I Being Influenced?
Have you too begun to dress, talk, or act a certain way in order
to fit in? Seventeen-year-old Susie claims, “Another kid can’t really make you
do anything you don’t want to do.” True, but peer pressure can be so subtle
that you may not realize how much it is affecting you. Consider, for example,
the apostle Peter. A bold man with strong conviction, Peter was a pillar of
Christianity. God revealed to Peter that people from all nations and races
could gain His favor. Peter thus helped the first Gentile believers to become
Christians.—Acts
However, time passed, and Peter was situated in
Well, Peter separated himself from the Gentile Christians,
refusing to eat with them! Why? He apparently feared offending his peers. He
may have reasoned, ‘I’ll just bend a little now while they’re here and continue
eating with the Gentiles after they’ve gone. Why ruin my rapport with them over
such a small thing?’ Peter was thus putting on a pretense—rejecting his own
principles by doing something he really did not believe in. (Galatians
How Would I React?
So while it is easy to say, ‘I’m not afraid of what others
think!’ maintaining that resolve in the face of peer pressure is quite another
thing. For example, what would you do in the following circumstances?
One of your schoolmates offers you
a cigarette in front of other youths.
You know it is wrong to smoke.
But they are all waiting to see
what you will do . . .
The girls in school are talking about
having sex with their boyfriends. One
of the girls says to you: “You’re
not still a virgin, are you?”
You wanted to wear a dress like
the one all the other girls are
wearing, but Mom says it’s too short.
The outfit she insists on your wearing
makes you feel like you look six
years old. Your classmates tease you.
One girl asks, “Why don’t you just
save up your lunch money and buy
something decent? You don’t have to let
your mother know. Just keep your school
clothes in your locker.”
Easy situations to face? No, but if you are afraid to say no
to your peers, you end up saying no to yourself, to your standards, and to your
parents. How can you develop the strength to stand up to peer
pressure?
“Thinking Ability”
Fifteen-year-old Robin started smoking, not because she wanted
to, but because everyone else did. She recalls: “Later on I began to think, ‘I
don’t like it. Why am I doing it?’ So I don’t anymore.” By thinking for
herself, she was able to stand up to her peers!
Appropriately, then, the Bible urges youths to develop
“knowledge and thinking ability.” (Proverbs 1:1-5) One with thinking ability
does not have to lean upon inexperienced peers for direction. At the same time,
that one does not become self-confident and ignore the opinions of others.
(Proverbs 14:16) He or she is willing to “listen to counsel and accept
discipline” so as to “become wise.”—Proverbs 19:20.
Don’t be surprised, though, if you are disliked or even
ridiculed for using your thinking faculties. “The man [or woman] of thinking
abilities is hated,” says Proverbs
Escaping the Snare
“Trembling at men is what lays a snare,” says Proverbs 29:25. In
Bible times, a snare could quickly trap any unsuspecting animal that grabbed
its bait. Today, the desire to be accepted by your peers
can likewise serve as bait. It can lure you into the trap
of violating godly standards. How, then, can you escape—or avoid—the
snare of the fear of man?
First, choose your friends carefully! (Proverbs 13:20) Associate
with those who have Christian values and standards. True, this limits your
friendships. As one teenager says: “When I didn’t go along
with others in school, with their ideas on drugs and sex, they soon left me
alone. Although this lifted a lot of pressure off me to conform, it did
make me feel a little lonesome.” But it is better to suffer some loneliness
than to let peer influence drag you down spiritually and morally. Association
within one’s family and within the Christian congregation can help fill the
vacuum of loneliness.
Listening to your parents also helps you resist peer pressure.
(Proverbs 23:22) They are likely working hard to teach you proper values. One
young girl said: “My parents were firm with me. I didn’t like it at times, but
I’m glad they put their foot down and limited my associations.” Because of that
parental help, she did not give in to pressure to use drugs and engage in sex.
Teen adviser Beth Winship further
observes: “Adolescents who are good at something feel important in their own
right. They don’t have to depend on peer approval for good self-image.” Why
not, then, strive to be skillful and competent in what you do at school
and around the house? Young witnesses of Jehovah particularly strive to be
‘workmen with nothing to be ashamed of, handling the word of the truth aright’
in their Christian ministry.—2 Timothy
After warning about the “snare” of fearing men, Proverbs 29:25
continues: “He that is trusting in Jehovah will be protected.” Perhaps more
than anything else, a relationship with God can strengthen you to stand up to
your peers. For example, Debbie (mentioned earlier) had been a follower of the
crowd for some time, drinking heavily and abusing drugs. But then she began a
serious study of the Bible and began to trust in Jehovah. The
effect? “I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to do the same things as
that little group of kids,” said Debbie. She told her former friends: “You go
your way and I’ll go mine. If you want my friendship you will have to respect
the same standards I do. I’m sorry but I just don’t care what you think. This
is what I’m going to do.” Not all of Debbie’s friends respected her newfound
faith. But says Debbie, “I sure liked myself better after I
made my decision.”
You too will ‘like yourself better’ and spare yourself much
grief if you escape the trap of peer pressure!