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    • CommentAuthorMystique
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012
     
    here's one:
    a group of guys were attending an everyday lecture by Jesus.
    one day, Jesus told them to each bring a rock tomorrow.
    when tomorrow came, the group came, since their lecture takes place on top of a mountain,
    each brought a small rock to be carried in their pockets.
    after lecture, Jesus told them to saw Him the rocks so He could turn them into bread.
    they were mad cuz they got the smallest breads.
    they plan that on the morrow they would each bring the biggest rock they could find.
    the next day, after preaching, Jesus told them "throw you rocks, how far your rock goes is how big your land is"
    the guys were beyond mad, they were furious....the next day each came with a small rock and the biggest rock they could find..
    thinking that if they were going to throw it, they would use the small one...but if it's to be turn into bread they would show the big rock.
    so after lecture that day, Jesus told them that whatever rock or rocks they brought will be turn into their balls.
    if two rocks then it better be the same size or else one ball will be bigger than the other...
    too bad cuz their rocks were different in size due to their greediness..so they end up going down the mountian with different size of balls.
    • CommentAuthorMystique
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2012
     
    The Rabbit
    The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, filling everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
    • CommentAuthorlikejang
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2012
     
    A teacher was lecturing when he noticed one of his students was sleeping. He then ask one of the students to wake him up. The student look at him and said, "You're the one that put him to sleep, you wake him up".

    Sometimes we get bored in class and dozed off...
    • CommentAuthorMystique
    • CommentTimeJul 11th 2012
     
    Ditch Diggers
    Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"

    "I don't know," responded the other.

    "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?"

    "Intelligence," the boss said.

    "What do you mean, intelligence'?"

    The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

    The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?"

    "He said we are down here because of intelligence."

    "What's intelligence?" said the friend.

    The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
    • CommentAuthorMystique
    • CommentTimeJul 11th 2012
     
    A Cat's Prayer
    Now I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray this cushy life to keep.
    I pray for toys that look like mice,
    And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
    I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
    And someone nice to scratch my back,
    For windowsills all warm and bright,
    For shadows to explore at night.
    I pray I'll always stay real cool
    And keep the secret feline rule
    To NEVER tell a human that
    The world is really ruled by CATS!
    • CommentAuthorbrenpanu
    • CommentTimeAug 20th 2012
     
    hellow jokers
    where did u get ur funny strories?
    i wish i had a story of my own...lol
    •  
      CommentAuthorsinsohn
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2012
     
    one day a Filipino guy came up to his boss and asked, "Boss boss, can i borrow bebdeen dollars? the boss answered, "what?"
    the Filipino guy asked the same question again, "Can I borrow bebdeen dollars? then the boss said " if you can say fifteen
    correctly, I will give you fifteen dollars to borrow", then the Filipino guy went on saying, "bebdeen!" boss replied "No" again "bebdeen"
    same answer " No" again the Filipino tried the third time " bebdeen" bossing shaking his head....finally the Filipino gave saying " pwak da bebdeen kip me ten"........
    •  
      CommentAuthorfelilind
    • CommentTimeAug 24th 2012
     
    @ sinsohn... Wow, that is FUNNY...
    •  
      CommentAuthormarky
    • CommentTimeAug 27th 2012
     
    yea sinsohn iv erd tat b4..n its funny..
    •  
      CommentAuthorsinsohn
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2012
     
    one beautiful morning a successful male model stood in front of his mirror. That day he will be modeling naked. he took of his boxer and realized that every part of his body is tanned except his private merchandise. He cancelled all his plans for the day to go to the beach. when he arrived at the beach that morning, it was kind of crowded so he walked by this big rock far from the crowd to have his sun tan. when he was laying there naked, a small girl was playing on the beach and she came by where he was. he reacted not quickly because she saw everything.
    She came up to him and asked, "mister, what is that?" without thinking through his answered, he said " this is my pet bird". the little girl was very curious so she asked, "can i play with him?"
    "he is sleeping you see" he answered. the little girl kind of went off down the beach playing and the model fell asleep. When the model woke up, he saw a big light shining down on him. He was in pain and he looked around and realized he was in the hospital. He looked down where the pain is coming from and it was in the area of his private part and it is all covered up. Few months later he was released with a big bandage covering his private area. he didn't know what really happen that day so he went back to the beach hoping to find that small girl he met on the beach. in searched throughout the beach and came across where he was, no luck. when he was about to give up searching he saw that small girl playing nearby. he walked to her and he said, "hello there, do you remember me?" she replied, "oh yes, I remember you." without wasting time the model asked "do you remember my pet bird? what happen to him?" looking sad the small girl answered" well mister, when he fell asleep, I came to your pet bird and I started playing with him." wanting to know more he said, " and, and what happened?" she replied " weeeeeellll, when we were playing your pet bird spit at me so I got mad." "and and what happened next" wanting to know more, the girl replied" weeeeeellllll, when you pet bird spit at me,
    I SNAP HIS NECK, CRACK THE EGGS, AND BURN THE NEST.
    • CommentAuthorsweety pie
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2012
     
    haahahahaha...ma first time to heard dat story...and wow really impressive...can u tell me more.....eh sinsohn..plz..
    •  
      CommentAuthormarky
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2012
     
    sinsohn tel her abt the day she saw the earth...may she wil lik it..
    •  
      CommentAuthorfelilind
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2012
     
    Haha.. That is one very joke right there, Sinsohn.. But I have one that can make you laugh too..

    A lawyer, an economist, and a teacher were going to the bathroom. The lawyer gets done, washes his hands, and then proceeds to use almost the entire roll of paper towels to dry his hands. He says "I was taught to be thorough." The economist gets done, washes his hands, but uses only one paper towel. He says "I was taught to be environmentally friendly." The teacher gets done and leaves without washing his hands. He says "I was taught not to piss on my hands."
    •  
      CommentAuthorfelilind
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2012
     
    Another joke..

    Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
    Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
    The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
    And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here"
    •  
      CommentAuthorfelilind
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2012
     
    Finally... The most funniest joke you can't get enough of it.

    Man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
    to which the man replies, "I'm not exactly sure." The pharmacist grabs something from under the counter and hands it to the man, "Well, take this board with holes, go to the bathroom and the hole your erect penis fits into is the correct size of condom for you." 20 minutes later the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I've changed my mind, I don't need the condoms. How much is this board"?
    •  
      CommentAuthormarky
    • CommentTimeSep 26th 2012
     
    that was funny fel..
    • CommentAuthorsweety pie
    • CommentTimeSep 27th 2012
     
    oh really?
    • CommentAuthorRoxtar P.
    • CommentTimeOct 16th 2012
     
    ahahhahahahhah...nice!!!!!!man dat guy reminds of da guy who to da store to pampers.....
    •  
      CommentAuthorsinsohn
    • CommentTimeOct 17th 2012
     
    that is really fun fel......put up more!!
    •  
      CommentAuthorfelilind
    • CommentTimeOct 17th 2012
     
    The Major called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

    So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

    Later that day the Major called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

    "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

    A few months later, the Major called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

    So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
    •  
      CommentAuthormarky
    • CommentTimeOct 17th 2012
     
    man that one is kind of nice..lol..but fun too..
    • CommentAuthorsweety pie
    • CommentTimeOct 23rd 2012
     
    yeah i agree..with you marky
    •  
      CommentAuthormarky
    • CommentTimeOct 23rd 2012
     
    oh really?..com on just dnt tell on me..lol..
    •  
      CommentAuthorsinsohn
    • CommentTimeOct 23rd 2012
     
    I got one dirty joke......well reproductive joke!

    It's going great for every SPERM in their own little world if you know what I mean, every single sperm has his or her own profession and talent. In one corner you will see one sperm reading a book, the other corner a sperm practicing his speech, another corner you see a sperm model, in other corner you see a UFC fighter sperm. Every sperm is ready for the alarm to go off because that is when the door opens. Every sperm was doing his or her thing when the alarm went off, all got up and race out the door into the tunnel. Every sperm was fighting to lead the way so he or she can be the first to reach the egg. One sperm came up leading saying, " I will be the President of Micronesia", another came up passed him saying, "I will be a great business man", another came up and passed them saying, " I will be pilot" then there was one sperm who came up really fast and said, "I will be a long distance runner" then he went on and on until no sperm can see him. when all the sperms were running with all their might to get to the egg, they saw a small shadow from the end of the tunnel and it was getting bigger and bigger. when the sperms were getting closer they saw the long distance sperm runner running back toward them really fast. when the long distance sperm runner was close enough they can hear him saying, "Go back, go back, Sukumei iou me (translation=masturbation)
    •  
      CommentAuthormarky
    • CommentTimeOct 23rd 2012
     
    am sry sinsohn maybe later il read ur comment but nt nw cz am nt in a gud mood..
    • CommentAuthorTempting
    • CommentTimeFeb 23rd 2015
     
    YOu killed it man...ahahahahahahahahahahah