Purposeful Dialogue: Think Before You Press "Send"
A Story
[Note: The full document Strengthening Purposeful Dialogue: A Handbook Of Guiding Principles, Protocols, and Strategies is available for download.]
The speed and convenience of electronic communication and social media have transformed the flow of information within and across institutions. While this transformation has increased productivity on some levels, many of the traditional filters provided by slower modes of communication have been lost.
A Different Kind of Noise
Every time I think of "communication" and communication through email, I think of the "Parking Lot" discussion
A few years ago the college was renovating the parking lot. The maintenance department decided to send out a questionnaire to the college community via email asking what their "opinion" was on the parking lot and how we were to maintain it. Many suggestions came in such as we should have 1) paid parking 2) have reserved parking 3) have parking become first come first served and so forth...
At first, I thought that it was good that maintenance wanted the opinion of all in order to make a collective decision. However, the discussion got out of hand when some suggestions led to other discussions such as how to allocate reserved parking (by seniority? Some other way?). Then this discussion led to whether traditional leaders and other "important positions" in the college and community should have reserved parking. That discussion moved to what defines and who defines the "important positions." People were expressing opinions about everything as one topic led to another. Everyone wanted to say something about the parking lot and everyone's inboxes were flooded with the subject heading "parking lot." Some people just replied to "all" with such reply as "I agree." These exchanges went on for weeks... and people were sending out emails asking everyone not to include them in their "parking lot" discussion and finally IT stopped it by reminding us about the IT policy on use of email.
I think this is a great example of how communication can get out of hand; though it was good that maintenance wanted input from the community about a project they were doing. In hindsight, I think it would have been more effective if they did a survey or held some focus group discussions rather than send an open-ended question via email because it led to very unconstructive communication and, in the end, really irritated people. What started out as good intent (to collect input from college community to make decision) turned out to be a waste of time because the whole process mushroomed out of control. Whatever useful information might have been there got drowned in the flood of emails.
The phrase "got drowned in a flood of emails" may become an all too common reality at the college.
Protocol
The speed of electronic communications means that dynamic can trigger all sorts of instant responses. Remember that readers tend to react moment to moment in very human ways. When you choose the mode and content of a communication, be sure to reflect on whether your words may trigger a very human response that is not the one that serves your goal.
Strategies
It is a bit ironic that electronic information that is not on paper can also be so combustible. Here are a couple strategies for lowering the temperature, mostly involving taking time to reflect on the impact upon your readers of what you are saying and how you are saying it. Communication creates its own history. Consider how your own history might look to those with whom you need to maintain working relationships over time. A good deal of successful communication in the workplace involves managing disagreement in respectful ways.
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Before you press the "Send" icon, take a few minutes to reflect. Imagine the effect on your reader of two things:
- the wording in your subject line;
- the first sentence of your message.
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If you feel yourself reacting to a message with anger or resentment, DO NOT respond immediately. Go for a walk, turn to another task, or consider whether you need to wait and determine the best way to drain the negative emotion from the situation.
- You might decide a face-to-face meeting is in order.
- You might preface such a meeting with a phone call.
- You might attempt a Skype call if possible.
Remember that people tend to communicate more professionally and respectfully when they can see each other. You don’t have to look far to see examples of how the "cloak" of using email can make people behave badly.
- Avoid using the "Reply All" or "cc:"functions without considering whether doing so might make a difficult situation even worse. One good test is to imagine whether your communication was occurring in person and whether you would start calling in all the people in our reply or cc: list to join the conversation.
- Remember that email is never really private, especially in the workplace. Do not write something in an email that you would not want the entire cyber-world to see.
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